A Full Life.

It's been a long time since I've posted, a fact that makes my heart sign. Life is full. I've been waiting for it to settle down, and have realized that unless I let go of certain parts of my life that bring me and others joy, love and peace, things will not settle down. Not much anyway. So this requires a mindset shift.

Ready? Go!

Being full is a blessing. So many wonderful people and places to share this beautiful life with. Fullness requires responsibility too. Responsibility to continually seek inner space, to be sure the filling of my heart and soul matches that of my calendar. This is hard. Harder than before, when I hadn't realized how much my heart and soul truly thrive off of quiet, reflective time spent journaling, sleeping, meditating and practicing yoga asana. It's hard for the people who love you as well. Not only do you have to know exactly what you need, but they have to support you in finding the time and space you  need to be at peace. And you, of course, must do the same for them.

I think the greatest cause of peace and contentment in my life are mountains. I don't live near them, I hope I will again one day, but they're not one of the many wonders of Chicago. So I seek them out.

Rocky Mountain National Park

For Spring break my best buddy, Kelsey, and I drove all the way to Colorado in her wonderful Prius. We spent everyday in the mountains: skilling, hiking, running, driving...They are everywhere!

Having only ever skied once for a couple of hours on a "mountain" in Wisconsin, I was flat out terrified to be in Vail. But the mountains are empowering. Just as tadasana, mountain pose, channels your inner mountain and empowers you in any moment, being on a mountain gives you strength, courage and power.

Breathing in the mountains comforts me. Staring into the faraway peaks and then climbing up them fills me with a feeling of invincibility. I am strong. I can do anything. Through difficult seasons and storms, the mountains stay strong. Their exterior may show signs of weathering, but their interior never waivers. How magical to consider people embodying this same sentiment.

What is your mountain?

2014 = Magic.

When I think of 2014, I think of magic. I think of exciting adventures, amazing people and oodles of self-growth. I think of about watching the sunrise from my balcony on Haad Yuan Bay. I think about my beautiful niece giggling. I think about bike riding through the forest preserve on my commute to school. I think about yoga in the park, smiling students, home-cooked meals, fresh vegetables, delicious teas and incredible company. I think about new relationships. I think about love.

I can hardly believe a year has passed since my reflections on 2013, when I encouraged any and all practice yoga, and I looked-back on what that practice means to me. As 2014 progressed, I started to see yoga in every feeling, person, situation; everything. How humbling it is to share part of this journey with others.

When I hit a couple of bumps in the road, I tried to use Yoga as an escape, only to realize that Yoga is not an escape, but a tool to work through life's problems, an approach to living that removes the need to "escape" and provides the strength to work through difficult times. A little piece of light, a sprinkle of magic that leads the way.

Life's bumps will never cease. 

Nothing, including a Yogic lifestyle, can prevent challenge and pain. But Yoga holds my hand as I work through it. Yoga shows me the light and opens the space to find love and peace in both the easy, and more challenging times. 

So many beautiful things happened in 2014. The lessons I learned are probably best presented in my post-Thailand post, Top 5 Lessons from a Foreign Land. My heart is so full of gratitude and love for the places I went, people I met and experiences I had. But I am most grateful for the love I have cultivated deep within my own soul. This inner love has allowed me to share my love more fully with others and to really fall in love. The cultivation and expression of pure, unconditional love is also a never-ending journey full of a mixture of ease and challenge. And while it may not always seem to be true, Love is always full of beauty. It can make you feel as though the world has been sprinkled with glitter, a magical sea of light. You may have to dig a bit to find it, but press on, it's always there.

I am in awe of the magic I experienced in 2014--both abroad and here at home. That magic surrounds us-- whether we choose to see it or not, is entirely up to us. 

So, in 2015, I implore you to find the magic all around you.

     Look for the sparkle. 

               Seek out the light. 

                         Find the space.                                                                                                                  And love.

Be Love.

I was completely inspired by a quotation I read in 365 Days of Wonder a couple of weeks ago. It reminded me of lesson #1 from my trip in Thailand, which then reminded me I've been wanting to revisit those lessons now that I've been back in the "real world" (a totally paradoxical thing to say...) for a few months. I have realized my stressors will not evaporate because of my yogic commitment, but I am much better equipped to work through them now, because of my practice.

In most ways, my life is the exact same as before I left. Same passions: job, friends, apartment, hobbies, and for the most part, beliefs. But my outlook on the world and my "inlook" at myself, are wildly different. This may not be something many around me notice, but it is something I feel everyday. A certain lightness within. In my mind I can literally feel the physical space my yoga practice creates in my body. 

I can be a pretty anxious person. I'd love to tell you that my anxiety has stopped since my commitments to self-reflection, asana and meditation have intensified, but that is not that case. I still get anxious, but I am much more able to manage it. When I recognize this feeling, I pause and breathe. I understand it takes time to work through, and I accept that. If I'm in a situation where I can close my eyes, I do. If not, so be it. With my breath I picture myself full of peace and love. I fill my entire being with the love I know I hold within. This gives me strength and a feeling of calm.

In our society, love is completely idealized, commercialized and romanticized. To a certain extent, that works. But I also think it leads many people to believe that their life is not complete until they've found a partner, it turns into a mission: find Love and you've found life. As they strive to find love, people often sacrifice parts of their own being. What we fail to recognize is that we are love. The search is based on falsehoods, because the only place we need to look for love is within. Each and every being on this earth is the embodiment of love. We just don't always honor that within ourselves. So, in the words of Hugh Prather, "Don't strive for love, be it." One of the most beautiful aspects of living your love is that everyone feels it. People are drawn to and inspired by your love. Not your love for something, but rather your ability to simply, whole heartedly be love. 

Beauty.

Beauty surrounds us. The past couple of weeks I have found myself in a continual state of awe due to fall colors, smells and sounds. Everything outside emanates beauty.

It's easy to see beauty in change. It's easy to love the colors, the light and the sounds. This beauty is obvious. But what about the hidden beauty? As the seasons begin to shift, the days get shorter and our vistas appear more barren, it can be more challenging to see the beauty all around us.

I stumbled across this lovely quotation from 365 Days of Wonder, a book of precepts to compliment the truly incredible young adult novel, Wonder. (And I think the reverse holds even more truth.)

We don't need to make beauty within ourselves; we are completely, utterly full of it already. What we need is to pause and allow ourselves to see that beauty. It made me pause and ask myself: Where am I allowing beauty to be go undetected? At what moment of my day am I rushing to get through a task, get home or get my work done? In each moment, there is beauty. We can either recognize that beauty or block it from our awareness. It comes back to Corey Booker's beautiful anecdote, "The world you see outside of you, is a reflection of what you have inside of you." The beauty is always in the world; because the beauty is always within. Do you see it? Do you feel it? It consumes every pore of your being, but you can only reap it's benefits if you recognize it's existence; your existence.

Thanks, Mike for getting my words into that beautiful leaf up top and for taking the picture above!

Balance.

School started a couple of weeks ago. I took the first Friday off to stand up in my incredible former roommate's wedding and then missed the Tuesday after for jury duty...needless to say, I'm back in the position of needing to balance my students, my colleagues, my family, my friends, my exercise, my eating, my spiritual practice...my life. It's easy to feel you're living a balanced life when you're sitting steps from the ocean, watching the sunrise every morning, spending hours meditating and exercising. But that isn't my reality most of the time. As I reflect on my first couple of weeks of school, which could easily be referred to as chaotic, I am grateful for the opportunity to truly "practice what I preach," so to speak.

So, how do I maintain balance amidst the chaos of work, a personal life and a need for secluded spiritual time? It's actually becoming fairly straightforward. (Yep, I'm as surprised as anyone!)

((please note, I am in no way claiming to always be balanced. The trick is recognizing when I'm feeling out of balance and using the tips below to re-ground myself.))

1.) Focus.

If you have a million things to do, you'll never get them done if you try to do them all at once. Do one thing well, as long as you can, and then move on. Whenever possible, try to finish tasks once you begin them. Deep breaths help tremendously with focus, and also when things are starting to become overwhelming. I tell myself, "Slow down. You'll get it all done, one task at a time."

2.) Scheduling.

Living in the present moment doesn't mean you can't plan. It means (to me) that you when you plan, you are focused on planning. I put things like "yoga," "dinner" and "call____" on my calendar so I don't have to worry about forgetting, and I'm not stuck thinking about it when I'm trying to do something else. Taking time to plan allows me to mindfully carry out those plans. Be sure to plan down-time where you can sit around on your couch and go to bed early every once in a while (or multiple times a week ;)

3.) People. (positive, kind, grateful people)

I surround myself with people who allow me to take the time I need.When I'm with these people; I'm with them. They make me smile and laugh. They encourage me to do things with them, but respect my choice to head home early, order a water or pass on plans all together (as long as it's not all the time! Total seclusion can be as dangerous as constant noise and company). I'd also say there's a level of stubbornness here for me. I know I feel anxious and less patient when I don't get enough sleep or take the time I need for myself, so it's a huge priority of mine, and is actually better for not only me, but my family, friends and students as well.

4.) Self awareness.

Photo origin

You can't be balanced if you don't give yourself what you need. It's hard to give yourself what you need if you aren't sure what that means. You know what helps? Sitting in silent stillness will help you increase your self-awareness. If you aren't sure what you need, that's a fantastic place to start. I also find balance poses themselves extremely grounding. Next time you feel off balance, take a couple deep breaths and come into tree pose. Feel the power. Feel the stability. (Plant your toes if this isn't feeling stabile! Trees have roots!)

5.) Gratitude.

If you've read some of my former posts, you know this is something I'm very passionate about. I really believe that with gratitude and presentness I can maintain a positive attitude almost all the time. This moment, this life, is a gift to be ever grateful for. 

Top 5 Lessons From a Foreign Land

I've been back in the States for a week now. It's hard to believe my entire trip is behind me. At the same time, however, I know it will always be with me. 6 weeks felt like 6 minutes and 6 decades all at one time. As I've mentioned in previous posts, putting words to an experience like this is far beyond my communicative capabilities. I am however, able to summarize a bit of what I've learned, and how I  am carrying it with me. These lessons may not sound eloquent or profound, but they are my Truth in  this.   present.   moment. 
namaste.

Lesson 5: It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter: adj. 

1. Describes an attitude that recognizes most concerns, conflicts and thoughts in life are simply insignificant. 

2. An approach to life that understands beyond truth seeking, inner contentment and self-awareness, nothing really matters.

3. An awareness that negative thoughts are meaningless and insignificant. 

For example: What color shirt should I wear today? It doesn't matter. What did that person whisper as I was walking away? It doesn't matter. I forgot to finish grading that assignment last night. It doesn't matter [you'll get it done eventually]. Focus on what matters. Focus on here. Focus on now.

Throughout our training many of us asked small, specific questions of our teachers. I learned during this time, however, that most of my questions didn't really need to be asked. If I didn't know the answer on my own, I would soon. We can spend our lives obsessing about anything and everything. We can strive to make everything "perfect" and drive ourselves completely mad. But the truly crazy thing is, it's all already perfect. Just by being in existence, it is in perfection. We simply need to see it as such. Should my palm face forward or to the side? What should I do if I skipped a pose on one side? I can't decide where to go for dinner. I said the wrong thing in front of my boss. I spilled on the carpet.
            
           It.  
             Doesn't. 
                     Matter. 

Lesson 4: Notice, observe. Move on, let go.

Notice, observe. Move on, let go: verb.
1: The act of recognizing what's happening and then letting it go.
2: Being aware of how you feel, but not getting stuck in the emotion.
3: Acknowledging your emotions and then releasing them.

For example: My friend started to complain, I recognized I was annoyed and let it go.
My student started to yell. I recognized I was frustrated, took a breath, and released it.

As people, we are constantly riddled with emotion. While it seems the emotions are caused by external forces, they are really coming from within. Experiencing these emotions is not a bad thing, but to disguise, deny or exaggerate the emotions is to do a disservice to our true nature and our inner peace. Observe your thoughts, feelings, behaviors. Notice without judgment. With this heightened awareness we can then move on. Rather than suppressing our emotions as a coping mechanism, we see them head on. We notice and observe. Then we can let them go and move on to the next present moment.

Lesson 3: Just be.

Just be: noun. state of existence.
1. The state of existing without analysis, judgment, desire or concern.
2. Allowing yourself to exist in your purest, truest form.
3. Staying true to your heart.
4. Finding truth through stillness and silence to maintain a peaceful state of ever present awareness.
5. Being with the Self is being with the Universe because everything is one.

For example: "You don't need to do anything, just allow yourself to be as you are."

Let go of to-do lists, worries, expectations and allow yourself to simply be. Everything we need, we are. The "secret" to happiness lies within. A lot of what we talked about in our philosophy class was paradoxical and super esoteric. In our first session I experienced a lot of confusion and doubt. As time went on, however, it began to make much more sense. The idea that not only are we all interconnected, but we are all one started to really resonate with me, as well as the idea that we're all perfect. Yes, people make harmful choices, but within each person is the capacity to do nothing but Good. People who cause more harm to others have simply not looked within themselves deeply enough to see their true nature. The less we allow outside forces to influence our inner beings, the more we find inner peace, love and joy. Existing in truth within ourselves is the best thing we can do for ourselves and those around us.

Lesson 2: Meditate.

meditate: verb.
1. Keeping the spine long, releasing the body and mind while keeping both still to allow energy and wisdom to flow through the inner Self.
2. Sitting in silence and stillness releasing thoughts, worries, plans and fantasies.
3. Deeply contemplating one single topic.
4. Drawing awareness to the breath, finding an inner stillness of the body and mind.

For example: I meditate every morning to help me stay calm and content all day long.

I will start everyday of my life with silent meditation. Some days it may only be a few minutes, other days it will push to an hour. There is something incredibly grounding and comforting to beginning the day with silence and stillness. This recharge of the body and mind allows me to feel ready for whatever the day may bring and to embrace it with a smile and a positive attitude. If I could give one piece of advice to others it would be to meditate. There are hundreds of definitions and approaches to meditation. Find what works for you. In my experience, if you're silent and still, nothing else really matters.

If you're thinking, "Meditation is hard," I agree! Thoughts will come up again and again, for that I say see lesson 4. Notice your thought (without judgment) and then let it go. It may be helpful to visualize the thoughts floating away on a cloud or a balloon. We spent a great majority of our time this summer meditating, and for that (and so much more) I am eternally grateful. Some days were easier than others. It took a good three weeks of consistent, challenging practice before I started to enjoy it. Now I love it. The best time of day for me to meditate is early morning. It sets me up for success for the rest of the day.

Lesson 1: Pure, Unconditional Love

Pure, unconditional love: noun.

1. A state in which the entire body is consumed with a feeling of appreciation, lightness and care for everything that exists. This feeling leads the edges of the mouth to curl upwards repeatedly and the space behind the upper ribs to feel lifted, open and light as though it too were smiling.

2. The belief that everything and everyone is Good and deserving of your compassion, kindness and care.

3. Continual kindness, compassion and patience for all regardless of what has come before or what is happening now.

Lily & I hugging after our closing fire ceremony

Lily (my teacher) is the total embodiment of pure, unconditional love. I cannot think of her without a smile crossing my face and lifting my heart. I've never known a human being to be so completely full of love. Every moment with her was an inspiration and a reminder to fill my own being with love, kindness and compassion for all, no matter what. There is no way to express the true authenticity of her pure love for everyone and everything. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced.

I find it all too easy to lose love in the midst of all the pain and suffering our world faces. It's easy to find hate for all the misguided and harmful forces in our world, but it is only through love that we can truly have any positive impact. By embodying pure, unconditional love, Lily inspired me to be more kind, compassionate and patient, spreading that love one Soul at a time.

You may find it odd that Unconditional Love is my number one lesson. You may think I was already very full of love (you're right!) or that it seems too obvious. But the concept took on an entirely new dimension during my course. The positive power of pure, unconditional love became so much more clear. The necessity to love everything and everyone filled me with a new found sense of urgency. It's not easy. I'm certainly not there, but I'm working on it, and I know the capacity to feel pure love for all is within my Soul. When I practice yoga nidra my sankalpa is always: "I am judgment free and full of love." This is what I'm working towards everyday.  The quotes above have been two of my favorites for a while, but have an even deeper meaning to me now. I think the Beatles were right, Love is all we need.

The return.

Back in the states! But I have a little catching up to do before we get to that. Seeing my blog on a computer screen sure does look funny...and huge! One of the many advantages to using a computer is seeing the photos full size, and being able to embed them in the actual post (although formatting continues to present all sorts of challenges for me...). Hooray for technology (and always room to grow)!

I flew from Bangkok to Istanbul on Thursday. I was still having some problems with my stomach, but I was able to see a few of the many beautiful sites. Istanbul is absolutely gorgeous. I couldn't get any good shots, and a quick Google search tells me no one can, but believe me it's amazing! I went to Kafe Ara for dinner, per my wonderful friend, Shannon's, suggestion.

While I was only able to enjoy a few bites of my meal (quinoa salad with avocado, chick peas, goat cheese, mint, parsley, tomatoes, greek olives, cucumber and lemon vinaigrette), it was absolutely incredible. 

The next morning I got up and headed to view the Blue Mosque and Hagia Sophia before I had to return to the airport for my final step to Chicago. 

The Blue Mosque (Sultan Ahmet)

Mosaics inside the Hagia Sophia 

Next stop: The airport! After at least a dozen lines I made it to Chicago, retrieved my bag and found Kelsey at the curb (arms wide, smile big :). It felt good to be home.