The end of a new beginning

My oh my so much as happened since the last time I wrote! I've come down with a bit of a stomach bug that laid me up all weekend and seems to be lingering within...but I'm so grateful it didn't hit till the program was over :)

Going back to Sunday the 20, I lead my first full class with my beautiful friend Sarah. We sequenced it together, I delivered the first half and she did the second half. We got tons of positive feedback and had a lot of fun :)

Kris and I took sometime on one of our breaks to play together on the rocks and practice some of our sequences.

From there, things really started to fly. Before we knew it we were in our final practicum having our 1-1 evaluations with Lily Wednesday night. It was then that she told me, "you've got skills!" and presented me my certificate. It was such a joyous moment. Thursday morning we had our last class together and as we chanted our closing oms, I began to cry. The impact Lily and Ramandna have had on me collided with the fact that I had no idea when I'd get to share in their energy again.

Thursday evening was our graduation, aka the closing Fire Ceremony. We each came up with something for the fire to devour, as well as something to be born from it. We wrote them on pieces of paper and one at a time tossed them to the flames. We did a long series of  mantras to help seal the intense spiritual practice we had shared, as well as the intentions we released into the fire. The flames were absolutely mesmerising.

Wednesday and Thursday morning some of us got up to watch the sunrise and take some yoga silhouettes together. 

Friday was the most perfect first day off. I had a massage, did some journaling, had an absolutely lovely swim, chatted with some wonderful people and then went to a Kirtan!  It was so beautiful. It's funny because I've never really considered myself a "music person," but in the past few months a few of my happiest lifetime moments were created through music. It's amazing.

Late Friday night my stomach troubles began. They're better, but definitely not resolved. Helping to get my food budget back on track as my trip comes to an end though! I spent a lot of time on my hammock, and far less time eating!

Tuesday morning my lovely friend Claire and I left Had Juan Bay to begin our long journeys home. Here's where we're at: water taxi -> van taxi -> feri -> bus -> overnight train -> tuk tuk -> Hyatt.  The photos can hardly capture the stark contrast between our train beds (which we couldn't even sit up straight on) to the luxurious Hyatt. Check out the video Claire posted on my Facebook to see our reaction!  Thanks to my wonderful friend Megan we were able to spend our last day and night in Thailand in pure pampered bliss.

Next up: fly from Bangkok to Istanbul, spend one night in Istanbul, then fly to Chicago!!

A note about photos: they're beautiful; I know. But I feel it necessary to honor the moments they're attempting to capture and share, by saying they really can't be captured and shared. That's one of the many beauties of the present moment, right? It's perfect, it's fleeting, it is.

As I type this, the rain has begun to play a soft melody on our window, on the pavement, on the cars in the parking garage.  How blessed I feel to know I'll stay dry tonight as I listen to this beautiful song, holding me tightly right here, right now.

Practice teaching!

This week we continued on with everything that we've been doing-breaking down poses, practicing adjustments, meditations, pranayama, and asana pratice, but we also started teaching! I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone who may choose to read this, I LOVE teaching. I mean we already knew that, but I love teaching YOGA. To share knowledge and experience with others is such a beautiful privilege, but I see now the real reason I love to teach is to share love. It's such an honor to help guide people to feel at peace, more calm, balanced and relaxed, and eventually utterly content. These things can of course only truly be achieved within the self, by the Self, but to play a very small role in that discovery is absolutely incredible. I've always seen the opportunity to teach as a gift, but now I feel like I finally Get It.

I'll be teaching to our entire training program tomorrow evening with one of my new, wonderful friends, Sarah. I'm nervous, but oh so very excited. Sarah is also a teacher and likes to go to bed early, so we get along great :)

Kris and I have been having some great conversations about our experience here, and I'm so glad we'll be able to relax together for a few days after the program finishes, which is already happening Thursday. Woah.

This week we also got to "hoop jam" during our Wednesday afternoon break. It was so fun and completely ridiculous to simply play. I can't wait to get some Friendship City hooping lessons when I get home (thanks, Alex :).

The only other update coming to mind is that I think I may move! My beautiful bungalow has quite a leaky roof and it's rather uncomfortable to sleep in a wet bed, waking up to wet clothes. It also attracts more buggies (I've made friends with Spencer the spider in an attempt to stop killing living things because of my irrational fear...it works as long as he stays hidden!) The new place isn't quite as nice, and the ocean view is more obstructed by trees, but I think I can manage the 50 foot walk to the beach to watch the sunrise :)

The perfect day off

I got up this morning and started crafting my previous blog post. I did some reading, spent some time meditating in my hammock as the sun rose and then headed to my favorite restaurant for breakfast.  After a delightful coffee shake and fresh fruit and yogurt I headed to the internet cafe to step back into my "real life" and connect with my family.  Despite the frustratingly poor connection, it was wonderful to hear the voices of those so far away (especially little Ashlyn's cry giggle squeak! ).

I headed to a fantastic thai massage to give my body some much needed, more passive attention.  The $10 was well worth the hour! !!  Then I sat on the beach chatting with friends and absorbing some sun (over my sun screened skin of course! ). We took an ocean dip, snapped a group photo (to come...) and then were suddenly overtaken by a beautifully powerful rainstorm.  Looking behind you could see the rain coming down the jungle mountain, moving quickly toward the ocean. I walked back to"my" end of the beach to get a hot water, lemon and honey to take to my hammock. With kitty sheltering in my bungalow,  I read some more, did some contemplating and some people watching till my friends Aly and Kris came to join.

After the storm had passed we headed to our studio (on our day off...are you surprised? ), to practice a bit before practice teaching officially begins tomorrow. My sweet friend Fran, a primary school teacher in Australia, suggested talking things out in a smaller group and it was great to do. One challenge I'm anticipating is finding my yoga teacher voice, separate from my I'm-talking-to-9-years-olds-in-a-classroom voice. Then we headed back to bamboo for a delightful dinner with more friends, including Sarah, the other school teacher in the training! After lively, extended conversations spanning all sorts of topics (religion, politics, Jon Stewart, education, teaching, boys, kittens, mangoes...it goes on), I headed back to my bungalow just before the Saturday night party got underway.

The perfect day. Balanced by sun and rain, activity and passivity, solitude and company, silence and sound.

Songs, dance and bugs!

My teachers continue to amaze me. I'm in awe of what I've learned and how much it's making sense.  Some highlights from the last week:

Singing! One of our teachers is into kirtans and guitar playing and singing and she has led us in so many beautiful musical moments. I've always considered myself someone who isn't really into music, but as we were all sitting in our circle, smiling, singing, dancing, it was so beautiful. My eyes filled with tears and the joy in my heart consumed me.

Dancing! So our little side of the island is crazy. There are a couple yoga teacher training and even a detox resort, but there are also these insane all night parties. They start at about 11pm and go until 3pm twice a week. You can hear the music from my bungalow, but even louder are the boats shuttling people who came for the party back to where they're staying.  Aly, Kris and I (the three shown below, we're all staying at the same place) decided to get up before training on Sunday and get our dance on. (I of course am in bed well before the parties ever start). So at 5:30am we arrived at the party. It was quite a scene, but all the people were friendly and non intrusive.  We danced without anyone bothering us for about an hour and a half and then went to meditate!

Meditation!  This is still a struggle for me, but I'm noticing improvements, usually the evening meditation goes better for me than the morning.  There is something incredible about sitting in silence with the energy of so many wonderful people in such a beautiful, jungle paradise.

Asana! We did shoulder stand and headstand this week, along we lots of other stuff. Maybe I'll try to get a photo of one for next week :)

Philosophy!  We talked a lot about non attachment to material objects as well as tothoughts and feelings. Living in the moment makes so much more sense and is so much more important than I used to understand. As long as we are seeking things outside of ourself, we will never end suffering and fully be happy.  Once we see that everything we need is simply within our own souls, true peace occurs. We've also been talking a lot about the idea of oneness, and it's beginning to really resonate with me.

Bugs! Aly, kris and I stay at a place called Barcelona.  It's right on the water (my sunrise photos are from my balcony) and they're raised up, so. They're actually one of the better bug options. The roof isn't fully enclosed though and bugs are most certainly an expectation. Each night we come home and do a sweep of everyone's bungalow. If there are spiders we all squeal a bit, but eventually I take care of them. The geckos we love because they eat the other bugs. They also make hysterical sounds, i was convinced  someone was playing with a squeaky dog toy right outside my door the first two times I heard them. We name anything we can, and I have Spencer the spider who is really testing my patience and courage ;) The other night Aly's sink had an injured lizard stuck in it. After about 30 minutes of all sorts of ramp making, water dripping,  and directing, we got him safely outside!  Jungle joys!  I can't remember if I already shared this, but we also had a COBRA at the studio.  It coiled and drew its hood. Our always calm and worry free teacher was even a little phased by it. No one was hurt though :)

Those are this week's highlights!  Student teaching starts Sunday-eek!

Photos: sunrise attempts, my bungalow inside and out (love my hammock soooo much!), some of my wonderful friends, the studio and a yoga pose!

No words

I truly can't put my experience into words. I have a feeling I may never be able to articulate the emotions and knowledge I have been experiencing here. My body wakes me up at 5:41 everyday, without fail. I roll over and see the sun beginning to rise. Although my alarm isn't set till 6:15, I hop out of bed, ready to embrace the light. I always announce my movements when it's not yet light in my bungalow-in hopes that any little critters that decided to join me will scamper off with the night's darkness. I have given up trying to capture the beauty of the sunrise through photographs.  You can see a couple of my many attempts below. The picture is stunning, but it comes no where near the true beauty I see. I also can't capture the daily differences in unique and varied light. I have accepted that this inability to share the beauty beyond my own eyes, beyond my own soul, is really symbolic of my entire experience here. I cannot share it with you; not really.  I can try to describe in detail our lessons and exercises, but I cannot convey the lift in my spirit, the fire of curiosity, wonder and openness that has been ignited within. You must feel it. Words are beautiful and they bring us together, but in this instance, they just don't work.

So, the first week was incredible. My teachers keep me hanging on their every word continuously. The training is more spiritually based than many of us anticipated.  We start the day with an hour sit in silent mediation and doing some breath work. My body has been more than prepared for the physical asana practice and hike up to the studio, but the sitting has been challenging. We spend about an hour in the actual physical asana practice. Lily shares herbal knowledge and information about energies-things that I would have been highly skeptical about a couple of months ago, but are starting to make a lot of sense; starting to feel logical.

We're always encouraged to question internally, honor our skepticism, but remain open. Our meditation and philosophy guru, Ramananda, is truly the most incredible human being I have ever encountered. After we have asana lab, where we break down specific poses into great detail, we have our session with Ramananda. We all look forward to it. He has the most soothing voice and his wisdom is beyond anything I've ever encountered. He knows so much about science and history and uses that context to help us understand the history and philosophy of yoga (and I'm not talking about the poses, which are only a small part of the Yogic philosophy).  I wish that every person in the world could have the opportunity to listen to him speak, to feel his presence. 

There are many big ideas that have me asking questions and feeling doubt, but I'm gaining trust in the Universe and in myself. Lily's most observable lesson for me so far has been to love. Love yourself. Love others. People constantly feel that they aren't enough; but they are. We are all enough, we just don't always see it within ourselves. We must only look within to find love and happiness. All our answers lie within (I'm still working on that concept... :)

So, moving forward I will probably post an update weekly on our day off (Saturday), but I'm finding email and communication attempts distracting and won't be doing anything more often than that. Ultimately this is a deeply personal experience that can only be shared in a very limited way. But don't worry, I will come home more than ready to teach any and all interested people wonderful asana classes!

I'll end by saying that the group of people I've met here are absolutely wonderful. I'm beyond grateful for this beautiful chapter in my life.

Also, there are animals all over the island! This kitten is with my friend Aly (on her birthday! ). The two dogs are a momma and pup. The puppy and I have a special connection and he walks with me almost every morning along the beach up to the studio.